The importance of in-laws

Disclaimer: To all who might read this post, I hope it will be taken in the spirit it was meant in. I love my family and I love my husband's family. I hope nothing said in this will be taken wrong, because I am not meaning that I love one at the expense of the other, just that our families are very different and I am learning from both and love both. I also hope some of the comments made will not be taken wrong, but will be taken how I meant them.

I have to say that when I first met my in-laws I thought that they were so completely awesome. They were way more affectionate then my family is (even though I saw them way more often), and they were way more open in things that I wish that my parents had been open with me about. Sadly, as all things do, the rosy hue came off and for a while I had a hard time going over there (course this could have been influenced by the problems my husband and I were having at the time). Some of the things I had loved previously, I now saw as failings. I liked all of them individually, but as I group I saw a lot of failings. Suddenly my family was the one with the absolute rosy hue about it. Just in the last year or year and a half I've started to realize (again)some of the reasons why my in-laws are so important to me. My family has always been a close family. We got along pretty well even as children (although my mom might say differently). If there's ever anything that needs to be said, we say it. If you ever need anything, you can be guaranteed that somebody in the family will be there no matter what! As I've watched the difference of my husband's family to my own, I have to say it's been weird at times, interesting at times, and downright hilarious even when it probably shouldn't have been. But I have learned so much from them.

I've learned how to love more fully then I did. It has always seemed like to me that my family was a lot more of the "You know that we love you even when we don't show it", "You know we're proud of you even though we don't say it". I love my husband's family for the openness of their love. Even though there are times when I don't like being hugged, I do like that they all are ready with open arms to say "We like you, we love you" and it's not just assumed because we're family, it's shown.

I've learned how to communicate differently. As my sister-in-law says "What makes your way right?" As I started out this journey with my husband, I always felt like "well why don't you say something? if there's a problem, they (or I) ought to be told." While I still hold to the position that you should say something if someone is going to make a horrible mistake, I've come to realize that everybody has to learn at their own rates and sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut. At least until they're ready to listen to you. And if they're never ready to listen, then I don't know what you do then, but I have come to realize more that sometimes the timing does matter. Sometimes people need to learn some stuff on their own first. And sometimes you aren't the best one to say something to them. Sometimes somebody else should be the one to say it.

I've also learned, that there is always hope. My family (from the outside) looks perfect. My brother went on his mission, out of eleven children, eight children are old enough to be married. Seven out of seven (that are married) are sealed in the temple. Hope was never a tangible thing for me. Things were just expected. I expect every one of my siblings to be married in the temple. I guess it is hope in action, but when I joined my husband's family I was taught even more about the power of prayer and hope in the changing of people's lives. Not everything is perfect, but there have been some amazing changes in all of our lives over the last three years and I know it's because people are praying for us, for Josh's siblings, and for his parents.

Most of all, I'm glad that I've learned that not everybody has to be like my family for me to like them. I know that sounds kind of stupid, but for a long time I had only one or two friends that were girls. I always thought that there were only a few women who were like my sisters. Since coming into my husband's family, I've realized more and more that I should never judge people by the first impression. It's only been three years and my sisters-in-law and I don't hang out on an every day basis, but I have come to respect and love each of them for their own strengths. I know that over the next forty or fifty years that there will be a lot more that I will learn from them and about them, but it's ok. We have the time, we'll be together for eternity.

It's definitely interesting trying to fit in in a "new" family. I don't know that I always do since we do things differently, but I am grateful for the chance that I have to learn from my in-laws. To learn a different way of doing things. To be able to take the good from them, leave the not so good (as I try and do in all relationships and friendships) and to (hopefully) become a better person. I'm so grateful for my husband. I'm grateful for his family. I can't say that I love them like he does since he has been with them longer, but I do love them and I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have been blessed with to become a part of their family.

Back to the blogging world

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted on my blog. They were talking yesterday in Sacrament Meeting about how when you write in your journal you shouldn't just write about the good stuff that happens because when children or grandchildren read your journals they should be able to read and find out how you dealt with problems that may be similar to the problems that they are going through at that time. I write in my journal every day, but I have to admit that I find it much easier to type. Don't worry, I will not be writing each and every problem that I have in my daily life, but it is something to think about how people could help and strengthen one another if they were to put ideas of how to help solve problems.

Josh and I have been talking alot recently about ideas of how to work from home or starting an at home business. We have wanted to start our own business since we got married, but we haven't been in the position to do much of anything. Slowly but surely we are getting out of debt and putting into savings and we're finally at the point where we are throwing out a bunch of ideas of things that can help to bring in some extra money for a while. Or ideas that will generate enough money that I could possibly support our family from home while Josh finishes his bachelor's. My mom never worked from home or outside of the home and I have to admit that the thought of it is very daunting for me. I always thought that once you got married and had kids you got to stay home and be the one who just managed the money or something. It's been eye opening for me to need to work for a while, then when I got pregnant Josh and I determined that we would never send the kids to a daycare for the whole day. But right now that means talking about me possibly being the bread winner while he goes to school full time. We're looking into many options right now, but it would be best for him to be able to hurry and finish his schooling so I only had to work outside the home for two years or so and then I would be back to being a supporting role at most or even not doing anything from home during that time. It's funny how life throws curves that you aren't prepared for. I assumed my life would be much like my mother's life, but there isn't a lot in my life that is like my mother's.

What will you look like?

This morning I was looking at the first pictures of my nephew's life. He turns one in about three weeks. CRAZY!!! Anyway, the first pictures of him he looks like he only got the genes from our (my sister's and I) side of the family. He doesn't look like he has his daddy in him at all. A year later, I'm not sure who he looks like besides himself. But anyway, it got me thinking about what my baby is going to look like. Especially when she first gets here. I hope she gets her daddy's eyes. Or her Grandma Hunter's. As much as I love my eye color (haha) I really hope that she doesn't have my eye color. She has a really good chance, so I'm hoping (for her sake) that she gets her daddy's eyes. Or maybe I shouldn't hope so much because I'll have problems when she hits her teenage years if she does have her daddy's eyes. Anyway, I can't decide what color of hair I want her to have. It's actually been really interesting to see my neices and nephews as they have come into the world. There are blonde hair/blue eyes. Red hair/blue eyes. Red hair/brown eyes. Brown hair/brown eyes. Brown hair/blue eyes. Black hair/blue eyes. Did I cover all the possibilities yet? And the funny thing is that all of those combos can be found on either my mom's side of the family or my dad's side of the family. So it left me wondering today what kind of combination will my little girl be? Will she look like a definite Hunter? Or will she look like a definite Johnson? Or will she be so much a combination (like me) that when she goes somewhere with her dad everybody will comment how much she looks like her dad, and when she's with me everybody will comment how much she looks like me?

I'm jumping out of my skin with anticipation at seeing her, being able to stroke her soft little cheeks and watch her sleep, her long eyelashes (comes from both Josh and I, so I'm almost positive she'll get those) brushing her little cheeks. Her perfect lips moving into a slight pout. Her little body snuggled so close to mine. Our own little creation, so perfect, so small.

Baby girl, I can't wait to meet you!

My cute little Pokey...

So I know that it might be kind of weird to post about my baby BEFORE she's actually here, but some days she's just so cute. Obviously there's not a whole lot that she can do but kick me or shove her bum up in the air so it's poking out, but it's still cute. So every night when her daddy gets home he comes in and kisses me hello (of course) and then he'll lean down and say hi to her. She loves her daddy already and absolutely loves the sound of his voice. I won't say that she moves every time he talks to her, but she can usually tell he's talking to her (probably because he's so close to her) and will start moving so that he can feel her.

About two weeks ago she found this spot in my stomach that is ticklish from the inside. And she keeps going back to it. I'm not sure why because I start laughing every time, but maybe she likes being jiggled around a little while I'm laughing. Anyway, she'll drag her hand or elbow or knee over this one spot and make me laugh because it tickles so bad. I'm assuming she finds this amusing and I am grateful that it tickles instead of hurts.

Another thing that I'm really grateful for is that I haven't woken up to her moving yet. I feel her move quite often, but rarely after ten or so. Hopefully she's decided that she loves her mommy SOOO much that she will always sleep through the night (I know, I know, wishful thinking) but as of right now I'm just grateful that she's not keeping me awake because I'm sure she could if she wanted to.

Now about my adorable hubby who just can't wait for this little girl to make her debut. Josh has been able to feel the baby since I was 20 or so weeks along and never gets tired of feeling her. His favorite thing to do (even though this DOES hurt sometimes) is to poke my stomach, especially because now she's moving more and more, but not just quick kicks, but where you can see my whole stomach moving. I'm not sure I explained that very well, anyway, he thinks it's the greatest thing to try and figure out which body part is sticking up.

Josh also loves to talk to the baby. He (sadly) does it almost more than I do. He'll sit and call her name (we call her Pokey right now because she's a Pokey little puppy who's taking FOREVER to get here...lol) and then just tell her how much he loves her and how much he wants to hold her. He also kisses her (my stomach) almost every night.

Something that I didn't know until a couple of weeks ago was that he'll sit with his hand on my stomach "holding" her after I've gone to sleep. I only found out because I was freaking out one day because I hadn't felt her move in a while and he was like "She was moving last night." And I was like "How do you know?" He gave me this look of disbelief and was like "I always lay with my hand on your stomach. I thought you knew that." Well, I had no idea, but I thought it was cute that he just can't get enough of "holding" his little girl.

As for Travis, he doesn't have as much opportunity to do anything with his baby sister, but he does ask about her every time he calls. And he also asks "if baby sister is out of Mamai's tummy?"

Anyway, I'm excited to meet this new little girl. I'm scared out of my wits to be a mom, but I already love this baby and I can't wait until she comes.

So it's a little early...

So I know that it's extremely early for me to be hitting this point, but I really can't do this anymore. I can't be pregnant. My heart is constantly pounding. I had five episodes yesterday where my heart was pounding for half hour or more. It left me feeling more than just a little breathless. And then I climb into bed last night, and my horribly large breasts (that are usually just the right size when I'm not pregnant) were killing me. Literally! I couldn't BREATHE! I laid on either side trying to get comfortable and to find a way that I could breathe, I finally ended up laying on my back to catch my breath. Now that's just wrong!!! But I seriously feel like my ribs/lungs are being crushed by the extra weight from my chest when I lay on my side. I ended up sleeping on my stomach last night. And again, that's just WRONG!!! When I feel more comfortable on my stomach than any other way, there's a problem because my stomach is STICKING OUT!!! And it's not even comfortable to sleep that way, but it's more comfortable than any other way! Now I do have to say that I'm grateful that I haven't started getting up in the night to go to the bathroom. Every once in a while I'll need to, or if I'm woken up by something else I'll need to get up, but I haven't been woken up because I needed to go to the bathroom. I just don't know what to do anymore. Two days ago I almost passed out at work because I couldn't catch my breath. Now that's wrong!!! I feel like I'm on of those 500 lb people who get winded by walking across the room! Except I'm not even walking across the room, I'm just sitting there and my body literally cannot handle the extra weight or the extra person in side me. And I feel like such a horrible mommy already! I just need to keep reminding myself that I only have eleven weeks (or less hopefully!) until I can breathe. I think I'll be able to deal with a newborn better than being pregnant because at least my body will be getting back to normal and I'll be able to function throughout the day without feeling like I need to have an oxygen tank sitting right next to me just so that I don't die! Thank goodness February is almost here...it gives me hope that April WILL come, and hopefully sooner rather than later!

Bravest? or Stupidest?

So I just have to tell everyone that I met either the bravest or stupidest man on earth. A guy came into the office the other day and asked to see one of the other employees. I got up to go tell her that he was here and he says "You're seven months along right?" Now most people like to be VERY safe and say "So when are you due?" or something along those lines, because nothing would be worse than guessing wrong on how far along a woman is. So it shocked me A LOT that he was actually brave enough (or stupid enough) to actually guess a month! Depending on who you ask (the ever on-going debate about whether a month has 4 weeks or 4.33 weeks for a pregnant woman...I personally believe that it's the same for a pregnant woman as anybody else which means 4.33 but anyways) he was either right on (if you go the 4 weeks route) or he was about 2 weeks off (if you go the 4.33). But still, I just thought I should let everyone know, there is a person who can claim the title to bravest (or stupidest) man.

Let's start the New Year off right!

So I was awoken at 12:15 am on New Years Day (yes I am lame enough and pregnant enough to be asleep that early on New Years) by a screaming match coming from our neighbors. It was so much fun. It lasted almost three hours before they finally calmed down. But by then I was hungry (oh the joys of pregnancy) and so I finally got up and ate something and settled back to sleep around 3:30 or 4:00 am. It started me thinking about all the things that I wanted to do with this upcoming year and wondering why ANYONE would immediately make the New Year just as crappy as the old one. I love New Years more than any other holiday because it always signifies the ending of my "old life" and starting of a "new life". I am one of those crazy people who writes resolutions or goals and I periodically check up on myself throughout the year. Last year I did horrible on my personal goals, but Josh and I did wonderfully on our couple goals. It was awesome to look at the list of ten goals that we had made for ourselves and realize that all of the strugglings of the past year have amounted to something. Needless to say we quickly wrote out ten more for this New Year and we can't wait to see what happens at the end of next year. I'm hoping I'm at least as close with my personal goals as we are with our couple goals! Anyway, Hurray to a new year that will bring all sorts of joy and wonder and all sorts of trials and struggles! I can't wait to look back at the end of this year and see where we are! Hopefully better than we are today!