Being myself

Today I was watching Bones Season 6, an episode called The Doctor in the Photo. It's interesting to me how many times we can be mistaken in our views of ourselves. Brennan sees herself in a victim that the team is investigating. It made me think how many times I have looked at someone else and seen myself in them, although most of the time I only see the bad in me. For example, the first two years of my marriage I spent comparing myself to Josh's ex. Every time I did something it was either something that she would do or something she would never do. I can't tell you how exhausting it is holding yourself up to someone all the time. And how dissatisfying. Sadly, nothing I did ever seemed right or good enough, it was only something she would do or something she wouldn't do. It has taken me a very very long time to realize that I don't really care. I probably do have some of the same characteristics that she does. But I also have many characteristics that are all my own. Some day I'll figure out how to be myself, my true self, but for now, I'm content just living my life one day at a time and evaluating how well I felt like I was true to myself during the day. Some days I feel confident that I was very true to myself, others I feel like I failed myself miserably, or I was true to my first instincts and that I wish that I was different. However the day ends, I know that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.