Being myself

Today I was watching Bones Season 6, an episode called The Doctor in the Photo. It's interesting to me how many times we can be mistaken in our views of ourselves. Brennan sees herself in a victim that the team is investigating. It made me think how many times I have looked at someone else and seen myself in them, although most of the time I only see the bad in me. For example, the first two years of my marriage I spent comparing myself to Josh's ex. Every time I did something it was either something that she would do or something she would never do. I can't tell you how exhausting it is holding yourself up to someone all the time. And how dissatisfying. Sadly, nothing I did ever seemed right or good enough, it was only something she would do or something she wouldn't do. It has taken me a very very long time to realize that I don't really care. I probably do have some of the same characteristics that she does. But I also have many characteristics that are all my own. Some day I'll figure out how to be myself, my true self, but for now, I'm content just living my life one day at a time and evaluating how well I felt like I was true to myself during the day. Some days I feel confident that I was very true to myself, others I feel like I failed myself miserably, or I was true to my first instincts and that I wish that I was different. However the day ends, I know that tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it.

Our year at a glance...

January started with me (Stacey) trying to figure out a new job while Josh started a new semester of school.

February came and went with a small Valentine's day celebration.

March brought Josh's 33 birthday and a visit from the kids in Texas. Quick trip to California (that came right after the huge tsunami so no visits to the beach). We did, however, get to go to the Hollywood sign and play lots and lots of Mario Kart.

April brought Travis' sixth birthday and Brynn's 2nd birthday.

Quick run through May and suddenly we were blasting through June which brought Travis back for the summer and onto July.

July we were able to go to my family's Family Reunion which was held up in Idaho this year. It was a fun filled four days that had us wishing for more!

August went by quick and Travis left for Texas. Josh started another semester of school.

September was an interesting month. Josh got really sick with a nasty stomach infection which caused him to drop all of his classes. Four weeks later he was finally back on his feet just in time to have me drop the bomb "Guess what honey, I'm pretty sure we're pregnant!"

With October came confirmation of pregnancy followed quickly with complications that led to the doctor concluding that my progesterone was too low and they put me on progesterone pills. I don't really remember the next two months as they flew by with me laying on the couch or bed, groaning, sick to my stomach, but I'm pretty sure somewhere in there we had Halloween and Thanksgiving.

I did recover enough to have a fun birthday celebration for my 25th with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law who came over for pizza. I told my work that my last day would be Dec 16, and on Dec. 19 Travis came in for a week for Christmas.

Our year has been a whirlwind, full of fun, trials, vacations, surprises, and lots and lots of love. We're looking forward to 2012 as our best year yet. All of us are excited to find out the sex of the baby next month and welcome a beautiful new one to our home. We hope everyone's past year has been as wonderful as ours and that the upcoming year will be a full, rich, loving year. One to remember!

Gotta brag a little...

So I have to brag about my husband a little bit...

He's been working full time this semester as well as going to school full time. For anyone who hasn't done it, it's quite a feat. Finding time to study is the hardest thing of all. If all you had to do was go to class and go to work it would be great, but throw in trying to find at least 10 or more hours to do homework/assignments, and you're really pushing it...add in a two year old and a wife, and it's pretty much impossible. He's gotten up in the middle of the night to study (and I'm saying that literally, not making fun of the early morning hours)...He's been busy busy every day and still has time to do my dishes (I hate dishes and so he's my superman whenever he does them!).

So it looks like he's going to have pulled 3 A's and 1 B... I'm amazed that he pulled it off and so very proud of him. He's got three semesters left before graduating with his Associate's. We're really excited and that brings him one step closer to his ultimate goal, dental school!

Now for the bragging about my little girl. I'm so proud of how well she's handled my going back to work. She's always been the sweetest little girl, slept through the night since she was six weeks old, and only on rare occasions is she up or in our bed. So about six months ago we put her in a toddler bed instead of her crib. She's been doing awesome. Occasionally she'll come wandering in in the middle of the night, but most of the time she stays in her bed. We bought bunk beds this weekend because we needed more room in their bedroom, she stayed in the big twin bed all night. Loved it. Took her nap in it. I'm so proud of her!

Also, she's been using the potty by herself! It's been probably two weeks since I've had to change a diaper if we're at home. She'll go in and take care of all of it by herself...most the time I don't realize that she's gone to the bathroom until I hear the toilet flush. Although I think she's still peeing in her diaper most of the time, at least she's going and taking care of it herself. Next step is actually peeing in the toilet every time. At two years old I think this is absolutely awesome!

Also, she started singing the ABC song this week, she can't get all of the letters yet, but she can get most of them. She's also been counting up to 7 (usually to 5, but sometimes more) by herself withouth prompting. She also knows most of the words (and notes!) to Popcorn popping, Twinkle Twinkle, Jesus Wants me for a Sunbeam, ABC's, I am a Child of God, The Wheels on the bus, and Old McDonald.

There are so many other things I could mention about my beautiful family, but I'm just so grateful and happy that they are my family. I couldn't ask for anything better!

New business...

So ever since I was a teenager I have looked forward to some day owning my own business. Never really had any ideas for it, but knew that some day I would have enough ideas. LOL. So I'm going on 25, and I'm trying to decide what would be a good profitable business. I'm taking business classes right now and I have to say I understand better a lot of things and I'm glad that I waited to try opening a business until I had some financial background. Now I just need to decide what I would like to do. I would love to open a little girl's dresses shop. I think that would be so much fun. I love creating beautiful dresses. I just need to become a little bit better at sewing and find a way to make it cost effective because as it is right now, I could make a profit, but i would make better money per hour by just working as opposed to selling the little girl's dresses. Along with the sewing theme, I think quilts would be fun to do as well (can you tell I enjoy sewing?) however, again, I'm not sure that the per hour pay that I would get would be worth actually doing something. There are a lot of ideas floating around in my head, however I don't feel like any of them would be worth the amount of time that I had to put into it. The only thing that would make it worth it to me moneywise would be that even if I was making less money per hour, I would be doing something that I really enjoy doing. HMMMM.....

So after reading this long boring post, I realize that I could sum it up in these words...I really want to find something that I really enjoy doing that I could make money off of. I just haven't found it yet. :)

Lost...

There are so many thoughts running through my head today. My heart aches for so many people who are lost. New acquaintances...old friends...family.

Finding your way through the maze...watching other people live their lives...stop at every detour, peering down to see what it holds. Take a few steps...quick retreat. Forward you go, hoping it's the right way. Turn around you took at wrong turn. Round and round. Making progress...now I'm stuck. Where's the end?

Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole? When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice, I draw myself apart, searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows? Where, when I languish? Where, in my need to know, where can I run? Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish? Who, who can understand?

He, only one. He answers privately. Reaches my reaching in my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend. Gentle the peace He finds for my beseeching. Constant he is, and kind, love without end.
(Where Can I turn for Peace?, pg 129, LDS hymnal)

Abide with me; 'tis eventide. The day is past and gone; the shadows of the evening fall; the night is coming on. Within my heart a welcome guest, within my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide. They walk today with me has made my heart within me burn, as I communed with Thee. Thy earnest words have filled my soul and kept me near thy side.

O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, 'tis eventide.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide, and lone will be the night if I cannot commune with Thee nor find in Thee my light. The darkness of the world, I fear, would in my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, 'tis eventide. O Savior, stay this night with me; behold 'tis eventide.

(Abide with me; 'tis Eventide, pg 165, LDS hymnal)

O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, 'tis eventide. I am lost, please come to me. I need You by my side.

I feel You now, Your calming Hand. Bless me today to feel Your Hand and help me to do the things that keep You by my side.

Yes, I will live through this...

...no, it is not unusual for me to sound like Sneezy when I'm sneezing. I don't know how my sneezes are so violent, maybe it's hereditary. Maybe it's personal. Maybe it's learned. I don't know. All I know is that when I hear some woman give a lady like

"achoo"

I look around in surprise and wonder if she taught herself to sneeze that small or if it just comes naturally. On the other hand when I sneeze it sounds like

"KERCHOOOOOOO"......

And after everyone stops blowing away in the whirlwind (like on Snow White), I do have people turn and ask in this incredulous (and may I say, awfully obnoxious "Oh my gosh I can't believe that sneeze came out of a woman") voice "Are you OK???"

I'd just like to say, yes I am ok. Yes, this happens every time I get a cold. Yes, I'm sorry that you had to hear/feel/blow away in my sneeze. And yes, I most definitely did cover my mouth even if it didn't feel like it. And no, no matter who says it, it is NOT funny (or, can I add, original) when you compare me to the dwarf off of Snow White.



Although when I think about it, at least I can take comfort that nobody has compared me to Dopey. :)

OCD anyone...

So I am dedicating this post to anyone like me who can relate just a little too much to TV characters like Monk, or Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory, or other...shall we say quirky people. I know I'm not truly obsessive compulsive, but there are times when I really worry about myself. So shall I tell you what prompted this post? I walked by the microwave and realized that someone had left time on it and hadn't cleared it out. I walked back out of our kitchen knowing that I could just leave the time on the microwave, after all I'm not obsessive, I won't think about it again and really it doesn't need to be cleared out...it's not a problem...I can leave the 23 seconds on the microwave...seriously though, couldn't you have stopped it at 20? But I'm not thinking about it...OK, so really I couldn't stand it and I had to get up and go clear the time off the microwave, all the while thinking that whoever had left those 23 seconds hadn't even left their food in the microwave for a rounded amount of time...and then the thought struck me, there are numbers 0-9 on the microwave maybe this horrible person who left time on the microwave had done something even more heinous like set their timer for 67 seconds. Or perhaps 42...or some other such ridiculous number. Who could do such a thing? This person needs a lesson from me about the correct way to treat your microwave, and (as Monk says) they'll thank me later!

So hopefully everyone finds this humorous because I laugh at myself quite often...but only after clearing the time on the microwave, or locking my car doors exactly three times before deciding that they are quite definitely locked, or alphabetizing my movies and books (by author of course). Seriously though, how can you not be annoyed when somebody cleans the house in the wrong order? (Because if you don't dust before you vacuum then the dust just falls on the floor and you have to vacuum again!) K, so the real reason for this post is ...I noticed yesterday as we were singing "Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up" that my daughter (who turned two, yes, two! yesterday) was putting everything away where it went. The legos went into the lego bag, the littlest pet shop went into their correct bag, the blocks went into their correct box, the dolls went into the big bin, and I didn't have to correct her or pull anything out and put it where it "really" goes...the books went on the bookshelf (although admittedly not by size, which is how I put her books back)...So later that night when I went to go put her to bed I saw her put her pants back in her pants drawer and her shirt in her shirt drawer (although perhaps it should have gone in the hamper, but still)...perhaps this is a fluke you say. Well consider this, she can't stand to get dirty. If she gets food on her hands she has to have a dish rag to wipe them, if she drops food it goes into the garbage, she doesn't throw her trash on the ground but straight into the trash can...I know I shouldn't worry because I have just described the absolute perfect child and she is only two, but after walking by the microwave this afternoon and listening to my head tell me that I can't leave the time on the microwave, I'm really worried that I'm changing my daughter into....me.