The importance of in-laws

Disclaimer: To all who might read this post, I hope it will be taken in the spirit it was meant in. I love my family and I love my husband's family. I hope nothing said in this will be taken wrong, because I am not meaning that I love one at the expense of the other, just that our families are very different and I am learning from both and love both. I also hope some of the comments made will not be taken wrong, but will be taken how I meant them.

I have to say that when I first met my in-laws I thought that they were so completely awesome. They were way more affectionate then my family is (even though I saw them way more often), and they were way more open in things that I wish that my parents had been open with me about. Sadly, as all things do, the rosy hue came off and for a while I had a hard time going over there (course this could have been influenced by the problems my husband and I were having at the time). Some of the things I had loved previously, I now saw as failings. I liked all of them individually, but as I group I saw a lot of failings. Suddenly my family was the one with the absolute rosy hue about it. Just in the last year or year and a half I've started to realize (again)some of the reasons why my in-laws are so important to me. My family has always been a close family. We got along pretty well even as children (although my mom might say differently). If there's ever anything that needs to be said, we say it. If you ever need anything, you can be guaranteed that somebody in the family will be there no matter what! As I've watched the difference of my husband's family to my own, I have to say it's been weird at times, interesting at times, and downright hilarious even when it probably shouldn't have been. But I have learned so much from them.

I've learned how to love more fully then I did. It has always seemed like to me that my family was a lot more of the "You know that we love you even when we don't show it", "You know we're proud of you even though we don't say it". I love my husband's family for the openness of their love. Even though there are times when I don't like being hugged, I do like that they all are ready with open arms to say "We like you, we love you" and it's not just assumed because we're family, it's shown.

I've learned how to communicate differently. As my sister-in-law says "What makes your way right?" As I started out this journey with my husband, I always felt like "well why don't you say something? if there's a problem, they (or I) ought to be told." While I still hold to the position that you should say something if someone is going to make a horrible mistake, I've come to realize that everybody has to learn at their own rates and sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut. At least until they're ready to listen to you. And if they're never ready to listen, then I don't know what you do then, but I have come to realize more that sometimes the timing does matter. Sometimes people need to learn some stuff on their own first. And sometimes you aren't the best one to say something to them. Sometimes somebody else should be the one to say it.

I've also learned, that there is always hope. My family (from the outside) looks perfect. My brother went on his mission, out of eleven children, eight children are old enough to be married. Seven out of seven (that are married) are sealed in the temple. Hope was never a tangible thing for me. Things were just expected. I expect every one of my siblings to be married in the temple. I guess it is hope in action, but when I joined my husband's family I was taught even more about the power of prayer and hope in the changing of people's lives. Not everything is perfect, but there have been some amazing changes in all of our lives over the last three years and I know it's because people are praying for us, for Josh's siblings, and for his parents.

Most of all, I'm glad that I've learned that not everybody has to be like my family for me to like them. I know that sounds kind of stupid, but for a long time I had only one or two friends that were girls. I always thought that there were only a few women who were like my sisters. Since coming into my husband's family, I've realized more and more that I should never judge people by the first impression. It's only been three years and my sisters-in-law and I don't hang out on an every day basis, but I have come to respect and love each of them for their own strengths. I know that over the next forty or fifty years that there will be a lot more that I will learn from them and about them, but it's ok. We have the time, we'll be together for eternity.

It's definitely interesting trying to fit in in a "new" family. I don't know that I always do since we do things differently, but I am grateful for the chance that I have to learn from my in-laws. To learn a different way of doing things. To be able to take the good from them, leave the not so good (as I try and do in all relationships and friendships) and to (hopefully) become a better person. I'm so grateful for my husband. I'm grateful for his family. I can't say that I love them like he does since he has been with them longer, but I do love them and I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have been blessed with to become a part of their family.